JLE#21: Comment Wall

 Comment Wall


Photo by Arnie Watkins from Pexels


  1. Hi JL! One of the first things that impressed me about your portfolio website was how aesthetically-pleasing it is to look at. You've chosen great photos that set a calming mood to me when I go to read your stories. So far, I thought the story you've included ("Man of Miracles") was compelling, and it kept me reading. I was especially interested in the character of James, both his power and his personality. One suggestion that I might make for a revision to your story is to consider breaking up your story into smaller paragraphs. This recommendation might just be more of a personal style choice, but I thought it might make your story even more exciting--I found that the large block paragraphs were a little hard to read in the middle. Overall, an engaging story that was interesting to me as someone who has a lot of experience with the Bible!

  2. Hi JL!
    I really like your take on one of the many stories of Jesus. I would suggest going back through and revising a bit though, there are a few misspelled words here and there. I really like how you depicted James as a man that many easily followed upon seeing his greatness. Why were the fishermen in particular the ones most loyal to James? Was that something random you threw in, or did you have some sort of rationale in doing so? How does James come to know that one of his associates will betray him? Was he told by some sort of oracle, or did he just have the sense it would happen? James' natural fortress is really cool! There are some mythological aspects to his chosen hideout and the disasters that would occur through divine power when his settlement was threatened. Overall, I really liked the direction you took this classical Biblical story!

  3. Hey JL,
    This is an interesting adaptation to the story. I really like how it starts with James getting off the boat. You did a great job of describing the opening scene and I the two initial characters. I do not fully understand what you are meaning in this sentence "James did not stand for such grief because man has no chance at combatting demons." After the scene James seems to defeat the legion and I am assuming that it was God working through James, and that is why he was able to cast out the demon. Considering a human should not be able to do that, but it is unclear if that is how James did that. I like your second to last paragraph describing the dunes. I had a visual picture in my mind of what I thought that would look like. I do recommend clearing up who "they" is in your 4th sentence of that paragraph. I think you are referring to the holy men of the city. Also, why are the holy men not fond of the miracles James performs? Are they jealous? Do they fear him? Overall, I did enjoy your story and I like your creativity in making it with your own twist. Great post, JL!

  4. Hi JL, good adaptation of a classic tale! As soon as I started reading I could tell where the source material was coming from and the story being told for this particular instance. I like how you changed the original enemy of the legion into a set of demons inhabiting a man and calling themselves the Legion. The method used to cast them out was odd though, and it could've been written better. One line saying that they were cast out just by looking into his eyes felt like it ended the fight too quick. I think you could further elaborate on why the holy men of the city oppose James and the work he does. Is it because he undermines their power or simply makes them look bad? Or is there some other force at play? Your story was a fun read overall and you did a good job writing your own version.

  5. Hi JL!
    After reading through your first story, I could instantly tell that it was an adaptation from a tale in the Bible. Growing up in the church and hearing the stories you based your own stories off of was an easy catch for me, but might be a little harder to understand for someone who did not grow up in the church or have strong knowledge of the Bible. There are a couple of parts I'd like to see some clarification on – you say "them" a lot, there could be some rephrasing of sentences and I think there needs to be an explanation of either the power of Jesus helping James out or if in your version the powers are coming through him alone. Other than that, your first story was interesting to read – it's always interesting to me to see people retell Bible stories in their own way.

  6. Hi JL! I like that you chose a portfolio for your project. I have not had the chance to visit many portfolios yet this semester so I am glad I get to look over yours. I chose to do a story book over ghosts so it is cool to see what the other type of project is all about. Your website looks very well put together. I like that after I read your first story I was able to tell it was from the Bible. Growing up, my grandma would always read bible stories to me and my siblings so I am somewhat familiar with the content. I like how you changed up the story some and you made it your own. Did you have to revise your story a lot? or did you just go back and fix common mistakes? Either way it is cool to see a bible story retold because not many people do that. Great work!

  7. Hi JL! This was my first time reading your portfolio and I really enjoyed it! But, since we are focusing on author's notes this week, I thought that's probably where I should focus. I like how each author's not was very detailed and you gave us your thoughts while writing the story. I like being able to know what the writer was thinking when they wrote what I'm reading. It makes me feel like I have more insight to the characters and can connect with the story better. I also like how you mentioned either if you kept close to the plot or changed it. I recognized the third story's background story from class and thought it was cool how you explained you twisted it a bit and why. Explaining this in every story helps keep the reader from being confused if they've read the source material. The second story kind of confused me though? It didn't have a bibliography with it and you never mentioned the name of the source story you used, so I didn't know what the original plot was. But, other than that all the stories were great! keep up the good work!

  8. Hey JL!
    This is the first time I'm reading your stories and I just want to say nicely done! This week we are focusing on paragraph layout so I'll try to focus on that! I always find spaces between paragraphs helpful when reading. If I see a huge, never-ending wall of text I feel so overwhelmed! So thank you for separating all of your text! For dialogue, I noticed that you isolated it a few times but other times it was incorporated into a large paragraph. I believe if you kept that consistent throughout, it would add to the flow of your writing!


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