JLE#21: Comment Wall

 Comment Wall


Portfolio 

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Comments

  1. Hi JL! One of the first things that impressed me about your portfolio website was how aesthetically-pleasing it is to look at. You've chosen great photos that set a calming mood to me when I go to read your stories. So far, I thought the story you've included ("Man of Miracles") was compelling, and it kept me reading. I was especially interested in the character of James, both his power and his personality. One suggestion that I might make for a revision to your story is to consider breaking up your story into smaller paragraphs. This recommendation might just be more of a personal style choice, but I thought it might make your story even more exciting--I found that the large block paragraphs were a little hard to read in the middle. Overall, an engaging story that was interesting to me as someone who has a lot of experience with the Bible!

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  2. Hi JL!
    I really like your take on one of the many stories of Jesus. I would suggest going back through and revising a bit though, there are a few misspelled words here and there. I really like how you depicted James as a man that many easily followed upon seeing his greatness. Why were the fishermen in particular the ones most loyal to James? Was that something random you threw in, or did you have some sort of rationale in doing so? How does James come to know that one of his associates will betray him? Was he told by some sort of oracle, or did he just have the sense it would happen? James' natural fortress is really cool! There are some mythological aspects to his chosen hideout and the disasters that would occur through divine power when his settlement was threatened. Overall, I really liked the direction you took this classical Biblical story!

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  3. Hey JL,
    This is an interesting adaptation to the story. I really like how it starts with James getting off the boat. You did a great job of describing the opening scene and I the two initial characters. I do not fully understand what you are meaning in this sentence "James did not stand for such grief because man has no chance at combatting demons." After the scene James seems to defeat the legion and I am assuming that it was God working through James, and that is why he was able to cast out the demon. Considering a human should not be able to do that, but it is unclear if that is how James did that. I like your second to last paragraph describing the dunes. I had a visual picture in my mind of what I thought that would look like. I do recommend clearing up who "they" is in your 4th sentence of that paragraph. I think you are referring to the holy men of the city. Also, why are the holy men not fond of the miracles James performs? Are they jealous? Do they fear him? Overall, I did enjoy your story and I like your creativity in making it with your own twist. Great post, JL!

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  4. Hi JL, good adaptation of a classic tale! As soon as I started reading I could tell where the source material was coming from and the story being told for this particular instance. I like how you changed the original enemy of the legion into a set of demons inhabiting a man and calling themselves the Legion. The method used to cast them out was odd though, and it could've been written better. One line saying that they were cast out just by looking into his eyes felt like it ended the fight too quick. I think you could further elaborate on why the holy men of the city oppose James and the work he does. Is it because he undermines their power or simply makes them look bad? Or is there some other force at play? Your story was a fun read overall and you did a good job writing your own version.

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  5. Hi JL!
    After reading through your first story, I could instantly tell that it was an adaptation from a tale in the Bible. Growing up in the church and hearing the stories you based your own stories off of was an easy catch for me, but might be a little harder to understand for someone who did not grow up in the church or have strong knowledge of the Bible. There are a couple of parts I'd like to see some clarification on – you say "them" a lot, there could be some rephrasing of sentences and I think there needs to be an explanation of either the power of Jesus helping James out or if in your version the powers are coming through him alone. Other than that, your first story was interesting to read – it's always interesting to me to see people retell Bible stories in their own way.

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